He Made it to Goal! A Guest Post by "Mr. Second Helpings"

Dear Readers, I have often mentioned my husband and our mutual weight loss success.  On Monday he weighed in at his Weight Watchers goal weight.  Here is his story, in his own words...

Reflections on my Journey

On Monday (December 26th) I gave myself a great late Christmas present. At our weekly Weight Watcher’s meeting, the scale read 199.6 pounds; I had reached my WW goal! Rose had asked me some time ago if I would write a guest post when I got here. I’m not a blogger, so I’m definitely feeling out of my element writing this.  Here goes...

Regular readers of Our Lady will already know much of our story. Three and a half years ago, Rose and I were both extremely overweight. We didn’t have a healthy lifestyle. Much of our food came from restaurants where we would clean our plates. Snacks would usually be sugary sweets. We didn’t - couldn’t - do much of anything that required physical exertion.

June 2008

Rose had brought up dieting several times, but I was reticent to do anything about it. It’s kind of difficult at this point to understand why. I think the biggest part was low self-esteem; I just wasn’t worth working hard for myself. I had in the past dieted, and even lost significant weight, but I hadn’t kept it off. It seemed like my body just wanted to be fat.

At the same time, we were talking seriously about starting our family. I wanted to have children, but the thought of chasing after a toddler or just playing on the floor was frightening to me.

“Change will only happen when the pain to stay the same is greater than the pain to change.”

I might modify the saying to include “the perceived pain to change.” Occasionally we commit to doing something, discover that it is harder than we thought, and persevere to reach a sense of accomplishment. Frequently we avoid something because we fear it to be more difficult than the reality, and ultimately regret not doing it earlier.

Rose finally said that she was going to join Weight Watchers. She pleaded for me to join her, but would do it without me. I could see that Rose really wanted to do something about her weight and mine. She was in pain, and she needed my support.

I knew that if we did have children, they would need me to be active in their lives.

Finally, I needed to do something, and I didn’t have any better ideas.

It was difficult for me to say yes, but at that point, it would have been even more difficult to say no.

Losing weight was not as difficult as I thought it would be.

Not to say that losing weight was easy. But once I had committed, I discovered that many of the tools I needed were readily available. Also, I didn’t have to change everything all at once.

At about the same time, I had a reassignment to a work location with terrible parking. After I rode the company-provided shuttle bus on the first day, I chose instead to walk the 15-to-20 minutes from my car to my desk in the morning, and again in the afternoon. I didn’t enjoy the walking, but I knew I needed to do it and now that I am back in an office with great parking, I miss it!

July 2009, enjoying an afternoon of hiking and playing outside.

Rose has been an amazing partner along the way. I’m not much of a cook, so I have depended very much on her to plan and prepare healthy meals. I love that she has been adventurous, and have discovered many foods that I would have avoided previously. (Tofu, anyone?) I hope she inspires you to try new things!

As we have progressed, we have needed to up the game to keep going. We have done a handful of 30-day challenges. For example, we both enjoy lattes. We would drink them on a near daily basis, which cost us additional calories and cash. We challenged ourselves to no lattes for 30 days. I made up for it by making a fresh pot of drip before leaving the house. After the month was up, we both broke the habit, and a latte is now an occasional treat - which is even more enjoyable.

A lifetime of healthy living!

Our big secret is that the changes we have made over the past few years are sustainable. They have become new habits, and have redefined “normal” for us. We make a conscious selection of healthy, balanced meals. When we make our own food, we don’t put more on our plate than we need; if we are dining out, we don’t have a compulsion to clean the plate. Physical activities are part of most every day.

Keeping up with our toddler!

Reaching my Weight Watchers goal, this last week in particular, put an underline on the importance of these good habits. In the four days prior to weigh-in, I had been to four different parties. I ate delicious foods, drank beer and wine, and enjoyed a variety of treats! Meanwhile, I was keeping an awareness of eating balanced meals, and stopping when I was full. (Well, maybe one more cookie...) Simply not gaining weight would have been an achievement! Losing weight in such a week is incredible, especially to myself.

Birthday Celebration!

Rose was very puzzled by my subdued reaction to the weigh-in. While this milestone has been met, I do not feel like I am “done”. I still want to lose 20 more pounds for my personal target, and be more muscular as well. I want to keep learning and keep healthy every day for the rest of my life. I want to do this with Rose by my side!

December 2011, down 167 pounds and feeling more confident than ever!

Be, Do, Have

Have you ever seen this image?  I hadn't before Monday when our Weight Watchers leader drew it on the board.  Now I have to admit my attention was divided between what she was sharing and my son throwing cereal on the floor so I may have missed some key points, but, let me give it a whirl.

After a quick internet search I discovered the "Be Do Have" model is used in many different self improvement arenas.  Basically the point is to visualize what or who you would like to be, do the things that person would do and have the results that person would have.  I think it is a really neat tool.

Isn't it easy to sit around and think about who we could be if only we could have different things.  We would have more money if we had a different job, we would go more places if only we had a better car, we would be tidier if only we had a nicer house to keep clean or we would wear nicer clothes if we had a better body to dress.  If only we had these or any number of other things, then we could finally stop rushing and fighting with life and just be happy.

Remember when all the buzz was about "The Secret"?  Just tell the universe what you want and if you really want it things will begin to go your way.  There was a scene in the movie where one of the narrators talks about going to the mailbox day after day only to have more bills appear.  He started to visualize money and suddenly there were checks and no bills.  Here is my conclusion.  While this person was telling "the universe" what he wanted he was thinking more about what he wanted to become and started to act like that person.  I think he may have been a writer.  He probably started sending out articles, meeting with publishers, revamping previous projects and low and behold it began to yield results!  I don't doubt that he was working before the visualization but when he started thinking about how to have money by being a writer he began to do more about it.

The real secret is action with a goal.

You can spend a day, week or year visualizing and telling the universe whatever you want but unless you get up and take action it is highly unlikely any amazing change will come into your life.  (I never say never though, just in case)  You can also be going and going trying to do things that you are supposed to but if you don't know what your goal is all your efforts may wind up being a lot of wasted energy.

Bringing the idea back to diet and exercise.

At the same Weight Watchers meeting my husband shared that he feels like he holds himself back because he wants to have all the right gear or gadgets before he can engage in an activity.  This seems to me like a common trap.  Do you need to have running shoes to be a runner, a roasting pan to cook a chicken, a nicer car to be on time to work or your dream house to pick out furniture you love?  Imagine for a moment that you will never have the thing you think you need.  Think about it.  Now what?

I am absolutely guilty of this behavior myself.  When I started going to the YMCA on a regular basis I really wanted to say that I couldn't get in a good workout because my sweats were not right and my shoes were worn out.  Then I stopped and thought about how dumb that would sound to me if I heard someone else say these things.  So I started working out and after a few weeks I did begin to upgrade my athletic gear but only after I built a habit of going to the gym.  It turned out getting started just took me making the effort and following through again and again.  My shoes were fine and my baggy sweats still allowed me full range of motion on the equipment.

I do not disagree that some activities require specific tools.  If you have a boat but no oars it would not be wise to push out into a lake.  My point is if you look out the window and think, "it's a beautiful day to be out on a boat, but I have no boat," it will still be a beautiful day and you can still spend time outside.

Here's the flip side to the coin.  Raise your hand if you or someone you know owns exercise equipment.  Keep your hand raised if the equipment is used as an extension of your closet or a layer of dust on it.  I am guessing there are a large number of hands raised.  We have a treadmill and I actually use it, occasionally.  See the thing is just having things does not get me any closer to my goal.  I have to be in the mindset of using the treadmill.  I really enjoy going to the Y so when I use the treadmill I feel like I am cheating on the gym.  (please don't tell me I am alone in my wackiness)  When I don't use the gym or the treadmill neither is doing me any good.

The visual of the triangle will be really helpful to me.  As I make choices and changes I can set a goal to be different, imagine what I would like to have, and plan what I need to do to achieve the goal.  Simple and hopefully effective.

Goal Progress Update

I have no big news to report.  Since my great declaration I have progressed .2 pounds toward my goal.  I will say, however, that in general I feel good.  I have been much more mindful about what is going in my mouth than I have for several months.  I also find myself looking for more ways to be active.  I know all of these tweaks are going to add up to the big payoff that I am looking for.


I can't deny how far I have come.  I rearranged our closet last week and just for kicks I pulled out my wedding dress.  It is now so big on me that I couldn't wrap it tight enough to look fitted.  I just sort of stared at my reflection for awhile.  When I bought it the dress was my favorite of the dresses that came in the store's largest size.  


On weeks when the scale hasn't gone the way I hoped I can still embrace non scale milestones.  I wear smaller sizes, have greater mobility, and I feel so much more comfortable in my skin.  When all is said and done I can not live by the number on the scale, my eyes are on a much bigger prize.  I want to be healthy, live longer, play with my son and squeeze all the juice out of this life I have been given.

I Forgive Me (and you)

Sometimes we just need to hear it from someone else before we can say it to ourselves.  I forgive you.  Whatever it is that happened that has caused you to stop treating yourself in a healthy way, I forgive you.


The other day in a moment of midday weakness I ate more ice cream than I intended.  It doesn't matter if it was a bite more or a carton more.  After I caught myself and put it away I had a choice to make, do I let this moment derail me for the rest of the day, week or month OR do I forgive my indiscretion and take back the control that I just lost?


I frequently hear people lamenting their ability to loose weight and get healthy.  The common refrain is, "I'll just start again (day of the week)" or "I am waiting until after (life event)."  I have learned that starting again has to be immediate.  If I shrug my shoulders and adopt a 'who cares' attitude I am the one who has to deal with it later.  I do make mistakes - regularly.  Success isn't never failing it is never getting back up and continuing.  When I accept my short comings, take a deep breath, and figure out how to move forward, then, I really feel like a winner.


The afternoon with the ice cream I had to first get involved with a task that would keep both my brain and hands occupied.  I find myself drawn to overeating most often when I am bored or tired.  Those times can lead me to wallowing both emotionally and physically.  Activity is my best cure for wallowing.  If I get up and engage in something I usually perk up and stop fixating on what is in my fridge.  Once I have perked up it is easier to plan the rest of my day around my slip up.  Additionally if I stop and think about it I often haven't messed up that badly.  I also never punish myself by skipping dinner and only eating carrot sticks for the rest of the day.  Self punishment isn't going to help me achieve my long term goals anymore than letting myself wallow.


Don't wait to be good to yourself and don't use your slips as proof that you are incapable of changing your situation.  Take those moments as an opportunity to learn, grow, and be victorious over whatever obstacles you might be facing.  You have what it takes to get where you want to go, so, start now.

A Bit About The Author

I never was a dieter; maybe I should have been.  I held on to the teaching that dieting was ultimately bad for you and having yo-yoing weight was not a healthy way to live.  I tried the odd diet here and there but mostly used the message as permission to remain obese.  Psychologically, I don't know what buried issues caused me to gain weight or to maintain an unhealthy lifestyle.  I was probably around seven years old when I began edging beyond the curve for my age and height.  Obesity became a part of my identity, first as a fat kid and ultimately a fat person.  

It wasn't until the summer of 2008, that I had enough and I announced to my husband that I was going to join Weight Watchers.  He asked if it was going to become one of those things that we paid for but never used.  Since I didn't know the answer to his question (and really, how could I?), I dropped it for a couple of weeks to let the idea roll around in my head a bit longer.

Finally, I decided that it didn't matter what might happen—I had to do something.  I was sitting there clinically obese, 60 pounds heavier than the day we met 3 1/2 years before.  I was 26 pounds above the weight, 8 years before, I swore I would never be again.  Most importantly I was incredibly uncomfortable in my skin.  When I announced my intention again he said something that proved to be the greatest gift he could give to both of us: "I'll do it with you."

We found the nearest Weight Watchers meeting place and the most convenient time.  The following Monday after work we walked in, with no expectations, to see what the program was all about.  I don't remember the topic of that first meeting.  My nerves turned it all into a rush of white noise.  Afterward we heard the introductory information with all the nuts and bolts.  There was a lot to take in but it seemed straight forward enough.  On the way home we stopped and had a couple of baby-sized burritos and tortilla chips at a local taco place, BUT the next morning we woke up and began following the points program, tracking everything that we ate.

Our lives changed after that.  The weight began falling off as we emerged from our fat coma.  Monday night has become sacred in our house and going to the weekly meeting is now a family event as our toddler goes with us.  To date we have collectively shed over 260 pounds and continue to move toward our goal weights.

I didn't know I had begun a journey until others pointed it out to me.  All I know is that with each small step, life has become vibrant in a way it never was before.  Sometimes I just sit and marvel over all of the small changes, things I never expected when I dreamed about being a healthier person.  Now I can sit on the floor and play with my son without loosing feeling in my legs within the first few minutes, I am able to tie my shoes without feeling like I might pass out, and I can try on clothes off the rack in most stores.  It is such a rush to take an arm load of clothes into a department store dressing room and choose to buy the items I like best not just the couple that fit.  One of my favorite changes is hugging my husband.  When we were at our highest weight we couldn't reach our arms around each other.  Now just to be able to stop and give each other a proper hug is magical.

As this blog continues, I plan to include more of my story, particularly things that happened during the first six months of our new life.  My humble wish is that through sharing how I took things slowly, made mistakes, and learned about myself and food, others will find some hope that change is possible.  It is not about suddenly turning your life upside down and instantly becoming a whole new person.  I have learned how to make different choices one at a time, moment by moment.